Shadows and Silences [Art generated from panim]
Kinda feeling lonely.
I played Ode To A Sunny Day - Blackstratblues after a long time. And I can’t shake off the feeling that it reminds me of many lonely nights in the past… I also did my own version of the music yesterday: Ode To A Sunny Day - Blackstratblues Intro Cover : Ambient Music
I went up to the roof. And played this song on repeat for 30 minutes just an hour back. This is one of my favorite songs that evoke certain “species” of emotions. Again, reminds me of the fact that there will not be any girl now in my life to whom I can invest the ” the same amount of energy” for [[Love]]…again that prospect is nearly 0. Very very very unlikely. Just like finding the alien life form in the universe.
I am fucking stressed out since last week. I have been trying hard to not give in to the rut of actually wanting to talk to people in general. That alone, discarding the whole [[Social Media]] bubble. Coding has been one of the important coping mechanisms, mostly soaked in pure [[Fraudulence Paradox]]. I guess I am a paradox in myself. I guess life is an improvisation that requires certain coping mechanisms for the absurdities
On top of that, whole grad school now seems like a distant future. Maybe in another life where my atoms will be transferred to a cat born in Europe. Perhaps. Maybe. Or maybe not. May the cat nap on the lap of all these absurd thoughts. Maybe the cat is right here beside me. Maybe just maybe.. For now I live. Hope leaves.
Anyway, emotions are weird!