lonely monologue
lonely monolgue

Everyone sees an abstract version of the people they interact with daily. Not everyone can open that abstraction easily. And relationships get stronger if the abstraction keeps on getting leakier.

…But sometimes the people that know the raw/core version of you aren’t around anymore. They know how you’ve changed and metamorphosed throughout the timely tests.

And I think that “not around anymore” gets to you so much so that your solitude mutates slowly into a lonely state. I used to believe that I could enjoy solitude (and being alone).

But as I grow older (28M here speaking), I realize that it’s not the case anymore. Days become months. Months become seasons. Loneliness still persists.

Even in the social setting, where you interact with people on daily basis – back to the point number (1) – feels more tiresome. You need some time to recharge yourself. You are a lonely soul in midst of the crowd.
That’s kinda sad.

This gets catalyzed strongly with a strong sense of existential angsts; the existential crisis creeps on you. Something that makes you feel that nothing in hindsight matters. Nothing matters. That life is inconsequential.
Nothing matters.

And the yearning for romanticism grows stronger. (Speaking from experience with my previous interactions of such kinds… :) ).

“Solitude is pleasant. Loneliness is not.” – as [[Anna Neagle]] puts it.

coping mechanism

I believe a sense of strong coping mechanism (an escapism) to all these feelings is to be more and more introspective. But what of it? introspection in hindsight has resulted in more miseries, especially during troubled times (in family specifically).

Life seems to a big “suffering-optimization algorithm”. So, what are you suffering for? What am I suffering for? How do I achieve inner peace? Can I get into a more “happy state”?

More absurd thought processes

https://twitter.com/nishparadox/status/1574186625802051584