Me in the cinema hall

November 14, 2021. Just came back watching the MCU movie “Eternals”

I)

I don’t know. Eternals is probably the least favorite MCU movie of mine, so far. This movie let me feel that I am so past the “Comic Book fanatic”. It felt too boring for my own like, even as a [[Coping Mechanisms]] of some sort. Obviously it was an escapism to my mundane lonely life. Since past months I had been having a lot of stress, both family, and personal. So, it was a good way to escape that reality. However I am more existentially dreaded right now, conflicted emotions whether I should be [[Overthinking]] the whole movie, about getting into the rabbit holes of existence… That’s that.

Currently I am listening to Echoes - Pink Floyd and my thoughts are heightened to the point that deep existential crisis is taking over me.

I had made a comment on a YouTube video about this movie’s failure and weak points:

I just came back from the cinema hall to watch the Eternals. My disappointment correlates to how the fanbase grows in age/maturity about superhero movies (especially MCUs). I loved the existential dreads I get after watching MCU movies. But Eternals heightened that drastically. So that’s a plus point.

However, the movie tries to sandwich in too many things in a standard standalone movie. That’s understandable. However, it tried to delve into all the characters, but superficially. The killing of the intelligent deviant was a bummer. I get that. In hindsight, the Eternals should have a runtime similar to Lord of the rings. Or perhaps should have been a series in the first place; this could have given end-users like us more time to think about each character’s emotions + the whole setup for something bigger at cosmic-level threats.

Once again, I am holding onto these train of thoughts of “Nurture-vs-nature. About purpose of “living”. About [[Meaning of life]]. About fatalistic view of my life. About [[The Absurd]]. The absurdities of all. We all seek a certain closure to our own thoughts, our own little mind-verse, wandering with out own [[Belief Template]]s and then sometimes certain events – like watching the movie like Eternals – become a wormhole to the similar mind-verse. [4]

• How much of the decisions you make, for your own selfishness, impact the world?
• How much anguish is there because of that inherent freedom?
• How much of your choices are pre-determined by nature, not nurture?

II)

18 minutes, 30 seconds into the song, [[Roger Waters]]’s bass-line becomes stronger, the crisis become prominent. In the sense that as we grow through time (and space), with maturity superhero movies aren’t just comically the same as “good-vs-bad”, “light-vs-darkness”. The plot is hazy, often times we hold onto all the narratives from the main protagonist, antagonist or perhaps anti-protagonist. Classic [[Kurt Vonnegut]]’s “Most stories are the same” narratives come into play. [5]

Most Stories are the Same. [[Kurt Vonnegut]] once said that there are only six types of story. The fundamental constraints of the medium (and to a lesser extent, audience preferences) lead to the same story being told, over and over again. If you’ve seen an archetypal movie like The Godfather, then there are hundreds of films that will feel like boring, worse copies. Having seen lots of movies, I do not recall the last time I felt surprised watching a movie.

III)

Two things I had hoped that The Eternals could have done better:

• Extended screen-time to make the emotions of each characters more concrete, something I could have connected to more.
• Ending in a more cliffhanger instead of having the “kill the bad guy” narrative into play. The intelligent deviant could have served that purpose well, in the sense that he was just there for the sake of plot. It could have been a better ending without his death. Or perhaps the contributions it could have done to the ending.

I got goosebumps when [[Music/Echoes - Pink Floyd]] was in the movie. That’s why I am listening to it on loop tonight. Having been one of my favorites from PF, the song connects deeply to the thematic role in the movie. [0]

It made my experience “sound” with occasional cinematic views of the cosmos, how celestials perpetuate the growth, and thus existence, of the universe. I got goosebumps. Watched the scenes in awe, wonder and terror. Of course there’s an eternally (pun indended) dreaded emotions of a Nish!

IV)

Coming back to the very essence of characters, I found that each characters struggled deeply with their purpose of existence. In the loose sense, that is also striking factor in the MCU movies. Each conflicted emotions about the purpose that leads to a crescendo and then some more crises in the end. As bad as it sounds, some of the character developments could have been much better. For instance the characters like Phastos, played by Brian Tyree Henry, should have more backstory about his technological optimism for progressing the humanity, leading upto more destruction – like the Hiroshima scene in the movie.

The current version of me expected more out of the movie. And I think superhero movies don’t connect the way it used to. That’s fair, a consequence of growing up. Like I said, there weren’t much “wow” elements in the movie/storyline. After returning from the hall, I wanted my emotions to be validated. Hence the comment in the YT video I’d mentioned.

The movie also gave me some “superman-vs-batman” DCEU vibe. Trust me. It was better than the eternals.

V)

So, why did I waste my time and money? The answer is simple. To escape my reality. I’ve been having a lot of nightmares [1] for a month now. My stress originates a lot with family issues. Beyond that loneliness has also served as a seed to more of that. So much so that I don’t feel “connecting” with anyone nowadays. I yearn for a romantic relationship. [2]. I want to be validated that I matter to people. That I have impacted people around me. That I am not an asshole. That I am not just a “tech-guy”. That I have a lot to offer through my helpfulness and resourcefulness in other aspects of life. Past few years, I think [[Learned Helplessness]] has kicked into my life. I have been having more fatalist view of the world. That everything’s absurd in more ways than it was ever in the past. That the “Nihilistic Nish” is like an alter-ego. That “I don’t give a shit about anything else” is a childish wordplay. That I want to just think for myself without anyone else, not even my family.

I don’t know. My whole life has been a massive blackhole to someone else’s miseries [3]. I am privileged to even get to write my emotions like this. I earn decent. I can spend without thinking much. But if I am to rewind my life, this privilege stemmed from 2 decades of struggles.

Having said this…of course I am having depressive backlash. But [[Coping Mechanisms]] are here to stay. My eternally dreading self is here to stay, trying to replenish often about the wanders and the terrors of life, meanings that (un)root at the core and sway between different schools of thoughts. But crises are here to stay no matter what. There’s so much out there I have yet to experience, yet sometimes I feel like surrendering to the absurd. There’s so much a life can take. I don’t seem to even have a life, always trying to wander in the inter-verse, rabbit holes and digitally fixated hallucinations. I guess that’s something to talk about later…not tonight.

For now, Echoes loop back for the 4th time and my mind is looping back to the same emotions, over and over again…and over and over agai…..

Footnotes

[0] - Video/Pink Floyd’s First Masterpiece

[1] - The Self Is Contagious/Nightmares

[2] - Let’s not talk deeply about the past. [[Leaning On]] is the worst thing you can do to yourself.

[3] - I just want to get away with my shitty family life for sometime and disappear! Grad school is one escapism from that.

[4] - Existentialism, Sartre, Camus and Naval

[5] - No more movies