The poem is an ode to absurdly fragmented reality of mine.
Currently it’s about to hit 10pm. I am listening to Space Age Love Song by A Flock Of Seagulls.
I was feeling lonely today. Yesterday night I had another anxiety attack. This morning I had a terrible headache. So, I had to take a leave from work to fix myself up. Half of “today” passed by in fragmented tasks of reading, playing guitar and contemplating things, yet again.
Suddenly, I started to feel very anxious. Most probably because of the unknowns of life itself. Still I need some validation check sometimes. I need a reality check about myself that I am a sucker for almost everything. And at times like these I keep on looking back at a few allegories from Kafka and DFW. Kafka’s poseidon and David’s depressed person. When I look at things, they don’t even make sense. Not sure how long these absurdities are going to hug me; tame the creatures in my mind-cave.
I feel alienated most of the time. Sometimes, I talk to Bijay and Bibus. They seem to be the only 2 persons right now I talk sometimes. But then, they have their own sets of “crises”. Their own life. I am sure they feel this way too. And I can’t always lean on someone or something to keep me sane enough to “breathe” and validate myself.
Lately, I have started to develop same state like a paper boat, floating in a puddle. No matter how big or small it is, it’s simply whirling here and there. At times like these, I often tend to just be with nature. See the sky. Float among the clouds. Gaze at “starry” birds. Chirping.
And sometimes, I feel like holding my pen and just write. So, I wrote something while trying to kiss my solitude. A tribute to myself. A reminder that life is fragmented.
It’s 7 pm again
Flags in the distant horizon
Keep on waving
Goodbyes or hellos?
Does it matter?
Sound of falling water
Is empty
But I hear my guitar
Moaning. Lonely.
A red bottle
Full of fluctuating dreams
Crowded skies
With creams
And empty wishes
Trapped.
Unfulfilled.
Leaves fiddle
Here and there
Somewhere. Nowhere.
Missing aura
Someone’s air
Birds in murmuration
Trapped at the orange sky
One slides left
Others follow in haste.
My eyes in temptation
Dispersion.
Fragmentation.