“7:28 in the morning. Sad. Depressed. Having a lot of suicidal thoughts. Noone’s around to talk to. I feel like crying…”

Last night freaking parents had another fight. My situation is fucked up. For the whole 15 years there was always some kind of struggles, mostly deep unhealed ones. But seriously! Fuck all this. What’s even the point of trying to do something with life? Everyday…waking up with this unwavering feeling that “today is still anxious” makes me wanna leave everything.

I am having a lot of suicidal thoughts. Fuck this. I have lost the will to even live. My mental health is deteriorating everyday. Fucking me. Fucking life. The irony is I don’t even have someone close enough to me to talk about these things.

Life’s a constant battle to live next.

Life’s a constant battle to not give in for all the miseries.

Life’s a constant battle to do something I want to do. But that’s not going anywhere.

Fucking anxietieis. Fucking sadness. Fucking loneliness. Every fucking hopelessness. What’s even the point of “living” if it’s always like this? Nothing has worked. Nothing works. Nothing shall work. At this point in my life, I am freaking bored of everything. Even myself. Why do I have to live with these all negative commotions in life? Surely, these give a way to “experience” something. But fucking life! It has been more than 15 fucking years and still I don’t see anything settling. Plus, this pandemic has made me more aloof than ever. I hope I don’t give it in to these suicidal thoughts. No!

You might be tempted to give “life lessons”. Or perhaps “live advice”. But stop! Please stop! At this point in my life, I have tried almost everything to make life interesting among all these miseries. Ya. Please stop. Don’t sympathize. Don’t have empathy. Leave me alone. I don’t need people now. Just fucking imagine waking up every morning to these negative, anxious thoughts. Nobody has to go through.

Life’s a constant battle. Now it’s even a war against my anxious, suicidal thoughts. Nothing works! I am too tired of myself and the world!