Not sure out of nowhere I feel like crying.

Life has been a little tipsy and more hazy lately. Background is echoing with To Jinda Ho Tum

इक बात होंटों तक है जो आई नहीं बस आँखों से है झांकती

As these soundless emotions and emotionless sounds pulsate with indefinite frequencies, I seem to phase in and out to other realities within my mind-cave. There are certain thoughts that just can’t be rendered into anything. And the more you cage those thoughts, they keep on enticing the creatures inside the mind-cave. I guess that’s, yet, another metaphor for my life.

RIght now, I am trying to see where I failed in loving a person, how I flowed in love. I certainly miss Aurora. And the more I spent my silence in solitude, the more reverberations I can feel, that there at some corner of my heart I have that urge to get connected again, say everything I feel about her.

I want to listen to her voice, all those rants she used to have, those intermittent mood swings, sometimes too caring, sometimes too “whiny”; above all looking at me like I am the only person in this world, like a tiny firefly that’s alone flashing in daylight.

I guess I want to feel “loved” romantically.

It is true I guess that every first “true” sensation of romantic love is of a special kind. And that I want to flow again not like a river that knows its course in time, but like a paperboat floating around, unknown of the other unknowns, a little late and sometimes a little early. But whatever the destination is, it shouldn’t be lonely.